yeah, you are a shining light.

gyzym:

So, in the wake of reading this terrifying shit, Postcard and I started chatting, as you do, about the zombie apocalypse. Here are some things Postcard and I enjoy: zombie media, common sense, and YELLING ABOUT STUFF. Thus, for your reading pleasure, please enjoy our simple twenty-step guide to NOT DYING in the unlikely event that a zombie apocalypse ravages humanity:

1. IN THE EVENT OF AN ACTUAL APOCALYPTIC SITUATION, ASSUME THAT THE FOLLOWING THINGS ARE GOING TO STOP WORKING: running water (this includes toilets); anything that relies on electricity (this includes gas pumps); anything that relies on natural gas lines (this includes gas stoves/central heat); basically, anything that relies on there being a factory of some variety at the other end of thing you want to make do stuff. THAT’S ALL GONNA BREAK. THIS INCLUDES THE INTERNET. Thus, the most important thing to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse is: 
2. RESEARCH. For as long as you possess the internet, do everything you can to learn as much as possible. Research edible/medicinal plants (or seriously, go into a bookstore and loot your shit a guidebook, they’re not large, they sell little tiny ones, you can put it in your pocket, WHY DOES EVERYONE IN EVERY ZOMBIE MOVIE NOT DO THIS). Research, from available information, how the zombies work/which of their senses are functional—for example, if they operate largely by smell, you want to work on smelling not alive. If they operate largely by sight, DON’T LIGHT FIRES AT NIGHT. And speaking of fires…

Read More

laughterkey:

sourfruitlyman:

stfuconservatives:

missworded:

ihopericksantorum:

5/16: McArthur High School HazMat Situation
Students, Teachers Decontaminated After Breaking Out In Rash

5/19: No confirmation on chemical at Fort Lauderdale International Airport

5/21: Police: Man bites woman in Westchester

5/23: I-285 reopens after hazmat incident

5/23: Man Bites Cousin’s Nose Off

5/24: Second Broward school reports mystery rash

5/25: Hazmat Called After Kids Exposed To Pesticide On Bus: Hazmat, EMS Respond To Lake County, FL School

5/25: ‘Disoriented’ passenger subdued on flight in Miami

5/26: Naked Man Allegedly Eating Victim’s Face Shot And Killed By Miami Police

5/26: Florida Doctor Spits Blood at Highway Patrolmen After DUI Arrest

All in same week and same state…. may God be with you Florida.

I knew it would start in Florida.  I just knew.

I have long maintained that there is something in the water in Florida. Now we know: it’s the zombie virus. Stay safe, Sunshine State readers…

constant vigilance, floridian followers

Goddamnit.